Thursday, November 16, 2006

Next up: Masturbation Ban

I better put an attorney retainer down right now (for the masturbation ban). LOL
I am a liberal, therefore am all about government intervention to help those that are unable to help themselves (e.g. government assistance for the poor, v-chips to keep kids from seeing Joe Pesci hack some guy with his mom's butcher knife, making sure the factory down the road isn't dumping toxins into my water supply, and the big one Social Security). This just has too much of an Orwellian feel to it for my comfort.
Poor tobacco & cotton. The crops of our Founders hardly have a place in the U.S. anymore. Tobacco. o more smoking on the big screen (unless you're in prison, or a former cop with a drinking problem, or Brian Fantana), no smoking at NASA (next time you watch a documentary about the space program in the 60's, look for the guys in the control room puffing away), no more Winston Cup in auto racing (it is now the Nextel Cup. Talk about something that should be banned. High on my list of things that make me want to punch a baby: Some redneck standing in line at Wal-Mart yelling into his Nextel about his meeting with his child's teacher. People really...there is a private button on those fucking things. I blame the people at Nascar for putting these sophisticated devices into their hands).
Cotton…who wears cotton anymore? My socks are made of all man made materials that keep my feet cooler and drier than cotton could ever dream of. What’s the first thing that outdoor survival training tells you about clothing? “Cotton kills”! LOL Cotton kills!
So back to banning things that are deemed harmful for us.
Watch the movie “Demolition Man”. It is a little cheesy, but Sandra Bullock is really cute, plus if you read between Stallone’s grunts and Snipes’ one liners you will notice odd little things about the future city of “San Angeles”. My favorite is the fine for swearing. Even the mildest profanity is a violation of the Verbal Morality Statute, and punishable by a fine which is automatically deducted from a citizen's finances. The perpetrator is dispensed a ticket by a machine.

It is explained that anything deemed "bad for you" is now illegal, including:

· Non-educational toys
· Alcohol
· Meat and unhealthy food
· Tobacco
· Table salt
· Obscenity
· Abortion, as well as pregnancy unless one has a license
· Anything spicy
It is obvious that the tobacco lobby is losing its influence on government which is a good thing. I don’t think lobbyists should represent specific industries anyway. But, to back smoking outside? I am all for clean air…even can go so far as to say that smoking can be considered a nuisance. The litter from cigarettes alone is atrocious. But why we are banning things that are harmful to society as a whole, allow me to give you my list.

Fake sugar and other artificial sweeteners (including high fructose corn syrup, which is making our kids fat), video game consoles (which are making our kids fat), reality TV and other non-informative programming (which is making our kids fat), Dunkin Donuts (which is making all of us fat), the loss of Physical Education in schools (which is making our kids fat), music videos (which make our kids feel bad for being fat), and Humvees (bad for the environment and probably make our kids fat.

Last on the list, gold teeth on anyone who is not black and nose piercing on any girl who is not Indian or Pakistani. I need to expand that last one. Unless your name is Jaya or Anjali please don’t wear a stud in your nose. If you are a hardcore skater chick or a Suicide Girl, feel free. Even then, grow some balls and have a nice hoop there.

TikiTender is proclaiming it: “Nose studs are not hot, they are not cute.” Especially when it appears you have been shopping for clothes at Aeropostale and Gap. It is a contradiction. It’s like a skinny cook, or a bald barber, or a banker with lots of tattoos, or a one armed drummer.

Let’s ban the real killers, companies that produce assault rifles and pharmaceuticals.

So…on to the article that fostered this rant

Belmont to be first U.S. city to ban all smoking
By Dana Yates, Daily Journal Staff

Belmont is set to make history by becoming the first city in the nation to ban smoking on its streets and almost everywhere else. The Belmont City Council voted unanimously last night to pursue a strict law that will prohibit smoking anywhere in the city except for single-family detached residences. Smoking on the street, in a park and even in one’s car will become illegal and police would have the option of handing out tickets if they catch someone. The actual language of the law still needs to be drafted and will likely come back to the council either in December or early next year. “We have a tremendous opportunity here. We need to pass as stringent a law as we can, I would like to make it illegal,” said Councilman Dave Warden. “What if every city did this, image how many lives would be saved? If we can do one little thing here at this level it will matter.” Armed with growing evidence that second-hand smoke causes negative health effects, the council chose to pursue the strictest law possible and deal with any legal challenges later. Last month, the council said it wanted to pursue a law similar to ones passed in Dublin and the Southern California city of Calabasas. It took up the cause after a citizen at a senior living facility requested smoke be declared a public nuisance, allowing him to sue neighbors who smoke. The council was concerned about people smoking in multi-unit residences. “I would just like to say ‘no smoking’ and see what happens and if they do smoke, [someone] has the right to have the police come and give them a ticket,” said Councilwoman Coralin Feierbach. The council’s decision garnered applause from about 15 people who showed up in support of the ordinance. One woman stood up and blew kisses to the council, another pumped his fist with satisfaction. “I’m astounded. I admire their courage and unanimous support,” said Serena Chen, policy director of the American Lung Association of California. Chen has worked in this area since 1991 and helped many cities and counties pass no smoking policies, but not one has been willing to draft a complete ban. “I feel like the revolution is taking place and I am trying to catch up,” Chen told the council. The decision puts Belmont on the forefront of smoking policy and it is already attracting attention from other states. “You have the ability to do something a little more extraordinary than Dublin or Calabasas. I see what they’ve done as five or six on the Richter Scale. What the citizens of Belmont, and of America, need is five brave people to do something that’s a seven or eight on the Richter Scale,” said Philip Henry Jarosz of the Condominium Council of Maui. “The whole state of Hawaii is watching” he said. Councilman Warren Lieberman said he was concerned the city will pass a law it cannot enforce because residents will still smoke unless police are specifically called to a situation. Police cannot go out and enforce smoking rules, he said. “It makes us hypocrites by saying you know you can break the law if no one is watching,” Lieberman said. However, both Feierbach and Warden argued it is the same as jaywalking, having a barking dog or going 10 miles over the speed limit. All are illegal, but seldom enforced. “You can’t walk down the street with a beer, but you can have a cigarette,” Warden said. “You shouldn’t be allowed to do that. I just think it shouldn’t be allowed anywhere except in someone’s house. If you want to do that, that’s fine.” Dana Yates can be reached by e-mail: or by phone: (650) 344-5200 ext. 106. What do you think of this story? Send a letter to the editor:

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Great post. I am pretty liberal on a lot of things, but overall, I am for LESS LAWS. Here in Austin, they have already banned smoking just about everywhere and now they are trying to make it a law so you have to wear a bicycle helmet if you're riding a bike -- anywhere. And online poker was recently made illegal as well.

Welcome to the Nanny-State.