Saturday, May 23, 2009

Drunk Girls, Not As Fun As You Might Think

This actually happened a couple weeks ago, but it popped back into my head while reading one of Cielo Gold's posts.

It was a particularly busy night, we had a group of about 150 realtors in that night for there annual social event. Super busy. Later into the shift a small group of about 20, one of which was celebrating her birthday, showed up. Birthday girl is super nice, a semi-regular customer. She always comes to me for her drinks and I don't mind because she is nice & very easy on the eyes. Well her group was ordering shots all night, from their table. Towards closing time she and four other women from the group came up to me and said "We need some shots!!!!!!!". Yes there were that many exclamation points. Like I said, drunk girls.

I asked what they would like and waited patiently, idly wiping the bar in front of me. The birthday girl yelled out "Tequila!". During the night, she had ordered from me house tequila, chilled. I asked her if she wanted them the same as before and she said yes. I went about the steps to make 5 shots of tequila chilled. As I stood in front of the party, smiling and shaking the shots with ice to chill them, birthday girl said to her friends "Mark ishh my favorite bartender". I poured the shots and presented them to the party with a smile. After a toast, the three girls I knew slammed the shots like troopers. Two strangers at the end of the line sipped their shots like, well like girls. "This tastes like watered down tequila," one said with a scowl. I just said "Yes, they are CHILLED shots. They are generally a little less harsh than straight shots". The other said "What kind of tequila are we drinking?" I showed her the rail tequila of the night, Montezuma. She turned up her nose. I wanted to say "Your friend, on HER birthday, just bought YOU a shot. Shut up and take it. Stop sipping on it like some girl behind the gym on Homecoming night". Instead I asked birthday girl how her night was going. I could tell by the look on her face that the hookers that were complaining were on the periphery of her circle of friends and she was embarrassed by them. Hooker #1 said "Do you water down your tequila here?" Now accusing me of being dishonest behind is grounds for getting thrown out, or at least ignored. Because she was with a regular customer, I gave her some slack and offered to pour her another shot, neat. She replied "What does neat mean?" With that I gave up on trying to please someone who is obviously a dumbass. Hooker #2 chimes in with "That's the best tequila in the bar right there", and pointed to a bottle of Cuervo Gold. Now I was finished humoring both of them. "Cuervo? Cuervo sucks." Hooker #1 said "Well you obviously don't know anything about tequila." I replied "You're right, I just started bartending this afternoon," and turned my back to them. Birthday girl apologized about 10 times. I just gave her a hug and a birthday spank and told her it was no big deal.

Now, back to Cuervo Gold. It doesn't really suck, but even a Cuervo Gold rep would not try to say it is the best tequila in our bar. The best for a margarita maybe, but not the best to drink by itself. Cuervo Gold is 51% agave and 49% additives. There is no regulation about what the additives might be. The gold color is artificially added. It is not aged. It is kind of like the Dewars of tequila. Fine mixed, but really mid-grade compared to many tequilas. For margaritas at my house, you will get Sauza Gold. Other than that I have Agavero and that's it. I don't use tequila much at home, except for Mrs. Tiki's margaritas.

Now in the bar that night, when Hooker #2 declared Cuervo Gold the best tequila in the bar, we had on the shelves 1800 Gold, 1800 Silver, Agavero, Don Julio Silver, & Patron Silver (Mother's Milk, as OC calls it). All of these brands are 100% agave, and better than Cuervo Gold by as much as 1000% percent.

Anyhow, I didn't intend for this to become a tequila review. Just an illustration that drunk girls aren't always fun! Plus I'm sure the two new girls (hooker #1 and #2) will not be telling anyone I am their favorite bartender.